|My absolutely beautiful wife and treasured newborn son!|
On January 26th, 2015 my son Dieghan Kristofer was born. And from the day I met my wife, we fantasized about how beautiful our child would be. Seeing him for the first time and the months that followed we grew hopelessly in love with our son. He was everything we wanted and more, so much more. Though, my dream of being an at-home father was so far gone that I have struggled to grasp that maybe that dream would never be a reality.
The dream has become so difficult to realize that I have been having to re-align my idea of what that father could be. My wife and I are both struggling to keep our relationship from getting stale as we both struggle to make time for each other and the baby, and even if I did have that dream job I'd be unable to do it. What it boils down to is simply making sure we make the time to be together while still insuring our son has the same.
So why is it so difficult you ask? Because an infant child demands constant attention, if not attention every 1-3 hours. The ability to do a rewarding job that changes the world at large is very difficult, instead my new goal to survive as a father is simply to make the world for my son (and loving wife) the best place it can be, even if that "world" is as small as our immediate family or home lost among the humble corn fields of Indiana.
As such much of my social life, be it in the world of blogging or simply keeping up with personal friends, have become extremely limited and I'm struggling to keep up with all that as well. Becoming a father has been an extremely intense and world altering experience.
Despite all of this happening I don't think I could be any happier.
For the first time in almost 7 years, I feel rational enough to be able to see the difference in my actions and be willing to admit when I am wrong or acting out of line. I am able to identify in others when they are behaving ill-tempered and are using disarming conversation tactics to win an argument that is being lost due rational facts. For the first time in a long time, I feel I can provide a strong foundation as both a husband and father to my new family than I ever could in my life. And that alone is more rewarding than words can ever express.
I feel amazingly aware, to a point of having acquired a new level of enlightenment. Life is still difficult, and I still have a plethora of projects that I'd like to finish. Starting my Valanas Trilogy of Novels, finishing my Cinematic Eberron to GURPS conversion from last year (which is a large undertaking by itself and requires some hefty playtesting), or simply fulfilling a small dream of making an "Adventure Issue" using the Mutants & Masterminds RPG System to publish and sell to the digital masses, just to name a few. As I grow older I will continue to master my own personal time management, and learning what it takes to prioritize it all.
Till that time, here is looking forward to a fulfilling future as my son's Fassia